{"id":10843,"date":"2024-02-24T10:00:16","date_gmt":"2024-02-24T10:00:16","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"-0001-11-30T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"-0001-11-30T00:00:00","slug":"Persevering--no-matter-the-pain-53966484\/","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/?p=10843","title":{"rendered":"A mother, a sister and her fight for a better life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Heather
Heather Demello and her niece, Serenity, hold on to each other in the room that she has devoted to her son, Dustin. Soon she will include photos of her sister as well.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\"Heather
Heather Demello holds on to her son\u2019s dog tags in the room she has devoted to him.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\"Heather
Heather Demellow\u00a0and her niece,\u00a0Serenity hold on to each other in the room that she has devoted to her son, Dustin, and soon she will include photos of her sister as well.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\"Heather
Heather Demello has devoted a room to her son, Dustin, and soon she will include photos of her sister as well.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/figure>

She sat in a room below a shrine of flags, medals and framed photos in honor of her son, next to the young daughter of her late sister.<\/p>\n

The conversation shifted, moving from the death of Heather Demello\u2019s son, Dustin Hall, a 21-year-old member of the Army Reserve who died by suicide in 2021, and Heather\u2019s sister, 34-year-old Ashley Demello, who died less than two years later from diabetes, a death, Heather believes, that was related to the marathon battle Ashley waged against her addiction to heroin.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s such a mystery,\u201d she said of her sister\u2019s passing. \u201cI have so many questions.\u201d<\/p>\n

On Dustin, she said, \u201cI wish he\u2019d spoken to me before doing it. I wish that if he was struggling, he would have come to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

New Hampshire has been hit hard by the opioid epidemic. Addiction, overdose and loss have ravaged countless families. The state continues to grapple with its mental health system, and how best to get timely help to those who need it. Efforts have been made to treat it like the illness it is and create a structured pathway to get help so people don\u2019t have to suffer in silence.<\/p>\n

Struggles with mental health cuts across all walks of life, but it has hit especially hard in the military. Nearly 250 veterans from New Hampshire died by suicide between 2015 and 2020, according to a recent report<\/a> by the State Suicide Prevention Council and the National Alliance on Mental Illness of New Hampshire that uses data from the Veterans Administration.<\/p>\n

Clarity is what Heather Demello would like. A clear picture.<\/p>\n

Demello continues to resemble Ma Joad from the \u201cGrapes of Wrath.\u201d She was the family\u2019s glue during a long, dark stretch, trying to help Ashley get clean, raising three of her own children and, essentially, her niece as well, and working full-time at Village Street Garage in Penacook.<\/p>\n

She still works there after seven years and says she loves her job, using it to keep her busy and steady, with a sense of purpose.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re all going through something and grief is not easy,\u201d Demello said. \u201cIt can be hard at times. Mental health is very big now for us. We\u2019re all grieving, and I need to make sure everybody is okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

She paused.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs well as myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

A new addition<\/h2>\n

Demello wants to talk about mental health and drug and alcohol abuse, two elements that once filled her life. She\u2019s got full custody of her niece Serenity, who sat with us during our interview, shining a light, moving around the former living room-turned shrine with boundless energy, adding wise comments beyond her years.<\/p>\n

She had trouble pronouncing \u201canesthesiologist.\u201d That\u2019s what she wants to do, though.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I want to go to college,\u201d Serenity said. \u201cMe and my friend want to do it and we\u2019re going to plan. She wanted to do that job, and I was thinking that it sounds interesting.\u201d<\/p>\n

Serenity also said she\u2019d like to play basketball next year at Rundlett Middle School. She wanted to play this year but had to learn a hard lesson first.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t get to do it this year because my room wasn\u2019t clean,\u201d Serenity said. \u201cI went into my room and sobbed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe set down boundaries,\u201d Demello said. \u201cYour room was messy. You should have seen that room. Really bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s an example of Serenity\u2019s new life. She has a strong parental figure who will help her learn and grow, follow rules and grow up healthy.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s why I\u2019m so hard on Serenity,\u201d Demello said. \u201cI began to hide the candy and sugar. I don\u2019t want her to have diabetes. It runs in my family, whether it be passed to her or her children. It\u2019s serious.\u201d<\/p>\n

Family fractures<\/h2>\n

Demello took Dustin when 3 years old and moved from Milford to Keene. His father battled his own demons and the relationship\u00a0was failing. For Dustin\u2019s sake, as well as her own, she decided it was best to leave.<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew he was struggling,\u201d Demello said, referring to Dustin\u2019s father. \u201cThere was no consistency for Dustin. I walked away.\u201d<\/p>\n

This was Demello\u2019s life at the time. Worrying about others. Could her sister get clean? Could her children and her niece get the love and support they\u2019d need?<\/p>\n

Ashley was living in Florida, raising Serenity. State officials took Serenity away several times, placing her in foster homes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was confused a lot,\u201d Serenity said. \u201cI didn\u2019t know what was happening because I was like four or five. I just wanted to go back to my mom.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eventually, Ashley earned custody of Serenity back. She returned to New Hampshire and moved in with her sister, who had settled in Concord about 20 years ago.<\/p>\n

Earlier in their lives, with a 10-year age difference, Demello loved playing the big sister role. In later years, she said she never truly knew if Ashley had relapsed or not.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t believe it ever went away,\u201d Demello said. \u201cI believe she found ways to cover it up.\u201d<\/p>\n

The power of Dustin<\/h2>\n

Dustin\u2019s impact on his mother began in a profound fashion. As a baby and young child, he opened his mother\u2019s eyes, forcing her to face responsibility for her first child.<\/p>\n

\u201cRaising Dustin changed my life,\u201d Demello said. \u201cDustin was amazing, a great kid.\u201d<\/p>\n

He had always wanted to join the military. He signed up for the Army Reserve soon after graduating from Concord High in 2017. Demello said he seemed fine.<\/p>\n

That changed, Demello said, when the Army insisted that all personnel receive a COVID vaccination. Dustin refused and never changed his mind, Demello said, despite being told that he would be discharged if he did not comply.<\/p>\n

Dustin took his own life that day, just a few days before Christmas. Demello found him in his bedroom. She believes his death on the day the Army Reserve gave him an ultimatum wasn\u2019t a coincidence.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s hard not knowing because I never spoke to him about it,\u201d Demello said. \u201cBut it all lines up.\u201d<\/p>\n

Remembering, moving on<\/h2>\n

A lot of significant pieces to Dustin\u2019s life remain in the basement. A baseball. A blanket his grandmother made for him. A book he wrote in grade school. His video games. His cowboy hat and boots.<\/p>\n

\u201cI would bring up his graduation uniform,\u201d Demello said, \u201cbut I just haven\u2019t done that yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019s decorated what used to be the living room with other memories. Now, it\u2019s Dustin\u2019s room. His uniform with name tag and shiny buttons is framed on the wall. So is the American flag, folded tightly and placed into a traditional triangular frame at his funeral. There\u2019s a poem and a photo of Dustin in his camouflage clothing. He\u2019s wearing his dress uniform in another photo, the one that hangs on the paneled wall and shows him smiling, with a crisp white collar and tie.<\/p>\n

Serenity said she tries to avoid the room that celebrates her first cousin. \u201cI don\u2019t come in here a lot,\u201d she said. \u201cI come in here to go to the kitchen, and I sit down here to play my games, which is not often. I\u2019ll put my feelings towards my game so I wouldn\u2019t think about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s normalcy and love in their Concord home these days. At least as much as they can muster. Demello has a serious boyfriend who doesn\u2019t do drugs. They go out for dinner on weekend nights. Serenity likes school and has friends.<\/p>\n

The dark past no longer dominates their thoughts. But it\u2019s always there.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not easy,\u201d Demello said.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d added Serenity, \u201cit\u2019s not.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you need help:<\/h2>\n

\n Veterans<\/strong>: To connect with a Veterans Crisis Line responder anytime day or night, dial 988 then Press 1<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\n National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:<\/strong> Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.<\/p>\n

\n NH Rapid Response Access Point:<\/strong>Call or Text 833-7100-6477 for free and immediate, 24\/7 access to mental health and\/or substance use crisis support via telephone, text\u00a0and chat services.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

She sat in a room below a shrine of flags, medals and framed photos in honor of her son, next to the young daughter of her late sister.The conversation shifted, moving from the death of Heather Demello\u2019s son, Dustin Hall, a 21-year-old member of the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":10844,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"newspack_ads_suppress_ads":false,"newspack_popups_has_disabled_popups":false,"newspack_sponsor_sponsorship_scope":"","newspack_sponsor_native_byline_display":"inherit","newspack_sponsor_native_category_display":"inherit","newspack_sponsor_underwriter_style":"inherit","newspack_sponsor_underwriter_placement":"inherit","_newspack_byline_active":true,"_newspack_byline":"by [Author id=5]Ray Duckler[\/Author] Monitor columnist","newspack_content_restriction_is_exempt":false,"newspack_featured_image_position":"","newspack_post_subtitle":"","newspack_article_summary_title":"Overview:","newspack_article_summary":"","newspack_hide_updated_date":false,"newspack_show_updated_date":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[514,12],"tags":[94,398,24,505],"newspack_spnsrs_tax":[],"coauthors":[513],"class_list":["post-10843","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-home-centerpiece-cm","category-town-city-government","tag-concord-nh","tag-edpick","tag-facebook","tag-paywall","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/02\/43002806-1.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10843","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10843"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10843\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10845,"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10843\/revisions\/10845"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10844"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10843"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10843"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10843"},{"taxonomy":"newspack_spnsrs_tax","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fnewspack_spnsrs_tax&post=10843"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nne-concord-monitor-2.newspackstaging.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcoauthors&post=10843"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}